1
00:00:02,534 --> 00:00:05,434
Charlie...
Are you leaving?
2
00:00:05,331 --> 00:00:07,631
No, I usually carry
an umbrella and my briefcase
3
00:00:07,558 --> 00:00:09,157
to the men's room.
4
00:00:09,115 --> 00:00:11,549
The mayor wants to talk to us
about his speech.
5
00:00:11,468 --> 00:00:13,567
That's just an excuse
to hang out with us
6
00:00:13,502 --> 00:00:16,136
'cause he didn't want
to be alone.
7
00:00:16,046 --> 00:00:18,745
The mayor wouldn't use work
to trick us into staying late.
8
00:00:18,653 --> 00:00:21,252
Last night he said he wanted
to review a tax proposal.
9
00:00:21,164 --> 00:00:23,130
I spent the night
listening to him talk
10
00:00:23,072 --> 00:00:24,806
about his high school
football team.
11
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:27,624
He played football?
No, he was just a big fan.
12
00:00:27,523 --> 00:00:29,156
Charlie, Caitlin, good.
13
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:30,912
I've been thinking a lot
14
00:00:30,861 --> 00:00:32,827
about that speech
for the fundraiser.
15
00:00:32,769 --> 00:00:34,036
All business.
16
00:00:34,009 --> 00:00:36,076
I think
we should review a videotape
17
00:00:36,012 --> 00:00:38,445
of last year's speech...
see how we can improve it.
18
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:45,817
Sir, this is
"blazing saddles."
19
00:00:45,676 --> 00:00:48,643
I must have accidentally
grabbed the wrong tape.
20
00:00:49,937 --> 00:00:51,703
This movie's a classic.
21
00:00:51,653 --> 00:00:53,488
We gotta watch a little.
22
00:00:53,434 --> 00:00:56,666
I was actually headin' out
to meet someone for a beer.
23
00:00:56,549 --> 00:00:58,449
Oh, no need.
24
00:00:58,393 --> 00:01:00,393
Imported or domestic?
25
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,411
Whichever one's stronger.
26
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,867
Angie, would you type this?
27
00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,912
It's the mayor's speech
for the fundraiser.
28
00:01:29,848 --> 00:01:31,649
You wrote another draft?
29
00:01:31,596 --> 00:01:33,596
I don't think I have time
for this, Charlie.
30
00:01:33,535 --> 00:01:35,336
See if you can squeeze it in
31
00:01:35,285 --> 00:01:37,318
when you're done buying pants
off the net.
32
00:01:38,846 --> 00:01:41,645
Charlie, I've got this
mayor thing all figured out.
33
00:01:41,548 --> 00:01:44,848
He's lonely.
He needs romantic companionship.
34
00:01:44,727 --> 00:01:47,160
Hey, I'll watch movies
with the guy.
35
00:01:48,479 --> 00:01:51,212
That's as far as I'm goin'.
36
00:01:51,117 --> 00:01:53,084
We should fix him up.
37
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,259
Why do women feel
like the world is a better place
38
00:01:55,187 --> 00:01:57,087
if everybody's paired off?
39
00:01:57,030 --> 00:01:58,997
I won't be a part
of any fix-up.
40
00:01:58,938 --> 00:02:01,139
Okay, but I was just
in the mayor's office.
41
00:02:01,069 --> 00:02:03,268
There's a copy of "mystic pizza"
on his desk.
42
00:02:03,198 --> 00:02:05,265
I know a girl named Karen
who'd be good for him.
43
00:02:05,201 --> 00:02:07,634
My neighbor Judith
would be perfect for him.
44
00:02:07,554 --> 00:02:09,487
She's into music.
She writes.
45
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,430
She even grew a beautiful garden
on the roof.
46
00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:13,537
Is she hot?
47
00:02:13,468 --> 00:02:16,867
Is that all men care about?
48
00:02:16,742 --> 00:02:20,142
Well, the garden thing's
a close second.
49
00:02:21,733 --> 00:02:23,633
Give him her number
and we're done.
50
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,978
We have to orchestrate a setup
51
00:02:25,898 --> 00:02:28,932
where he doesn't know
he's being set up.
52
00:02:28,823 --> 00:02:30,691
Isn't that
kind of manipulative?
53
00:02:30,636 --> 00:02:33,336
Wake up, Charlie.
That's how it's done.
54
00:02:33,243 --> 00:02:35,742
Maybe I'm just
an old-fashioned guy,
55
00:02:35,659 --> 00:02:37,993
but whatever happened
to meetin' a girl at a bar,
56
00:02:37,916 --> 00:02:40,682
buyin' her a couple of drinks,
and goin' back to her place?
57
00:02:42,303 --> 00:02:44,771
Is romance dead?
58
00:02:48,058 --> 00:02:50,325
I am not going to a hockey game.
Don't ask me again.
59
00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:52,585
When you needed someone
to go with you to the ballet,
60
00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:54,476
I went.
61
00:02:54,417 --> 00:02:56,583
And I was respectful,
just like you asked.
62
00:02:56,514 --> 00:02:58,315
You stood up and yelled,
63
00:02:58,264 --> 00:03:00,264
"hey, get a load
of the jugs on that swan!"
64
00:03:00,203 --> 00:03:02,803
I just said
what everyone was thinkin'.
65
00:03:02,714 --> 00:03:06,180
I guess it won't hurt me
to go to a stupid hockey game.
66
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,086
Ah, hockey!
67
00:03:08,023 --> 00:03:10,724
The sport of my people.
68
00:03:10,631 --> 00:03:12,765
What are you talking about?
69
00:03:12,697 --> 00:03:15,164
I just found out
from a genealogist
70
00:03:15,082 --> 00:03:17,015
that I'm 1/8 Canadian.
71
00:03:16,957 --> 00:03:20,358
I always knew my lineage
had exotic foreign stock.
72
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,399
1/8 doesn't make you Canadian.
73
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:25,697
It means a distant relative
had sex with a mountie.
74
00:03:29,516 --> 00:03:31,049
Hey, Caitlin.
75
00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:32,109
Charlie!
76
00:03:32,091 --> 00:03:34,024
What a surprise.
77
00:03:33,966 --> 00:03:37,133
The last place
I'd expect to see you is here.
78
00:03:37,019 --> 00:03:39,518
I mean, in all
of New York City...
79
00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,235
enough!
80
00:03:41,184 --> 00:03:42,449
This is Judith.
81
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,157
I'm Charlie.
82
00:03:44,109 --> 00:03:45,175
I'm Randall.
83
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:48,025
It's a pleasure.
84
00:03:47,924 --> 00:03:50,157
Yes, well, nice meeting you.
85
00:03:50,085 --> 00:03:52,285
Sir, why don't we join them?
86
00:03:52,216 --> 00:03:54,116
Judith is very attractive.
87
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:57,725
She's got the look
of a woman who's available.
88
00:03:57,588 --> 00:04:01,489
My God, son,
your libido is frightening.
89
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,440
I meant for you.
90
00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:05,308
Oh, all my moves are rusty.
91
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,984
It's not like the old days
when I could just wink...
92
00:04:08,844 --> 00:04:11,877
next thing you know,
she's in my microbus
93
00:04:11,768 --> 00:04:14,501
on the way
to a steppenwolf concert.
94
00:04:14,407 --> 00:04:16,207
Sir, you are the mayor
95
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,590
of the most important city
in the free world.
96
00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,376
Trust me, chicks dig that.
97
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,695
He's comin' over,
98
00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:26,777
but I'm not sure
he's got the killer instinct.
99
00:04:26,711 --> 00:04:29,744
Phone call for the mayor.
100
00:04:29,635 --> 00:04:32,735
Of what city?
101
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:34,558
New York, sir.
102
00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,467
That would be me.
103
00:04:36,407 --> 00:04:39,174
I'm the mayor of New York.
104
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,145
Ah, thank you.
105
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,915
Uh-huh.
106
00:04:42,861 --> 00:04:45,761
Well, I'm unwilling to declare
a state of emergency.
107
00:04:46,931 --> 00:04:50,597
I'll call you when I get back
to my mansion.
108
00:04:52,431 --> 00:04:54,231
So, you're the mayor.
109
00:04:54,179 --> 00:04:56,413
Oh, you recognize me.
110
00:04:56,341 --> 00:04:57,941
Of course.
111
00:04:57,899 --> 00:04:59,899
I voted for you...
Twice.
112
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,505
Warm up the microbus.
113
00:05:04,925 --> 00:05:07,992
Knock him on his ass!
114
00:05:07,882 --> 00:05:10,115
Come on, Carter.
You gotta get into it.
115
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,878
You call that skating?
116
00:05:11,825 --> 00:05:15,024
Let me tell you something...
you are no Scott Hamilton!
117
00:05:16,085 --> 00:05:17,952
Okay, this was a mistake.
118
00:05:17,897 --> 00:05:20,231
I should never have made you
come to this game.
119
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,187
I'm feeling comfortable here...
120
00:05:22,126 --> 00:05:24,026
think I'm starting to fit in.
121
00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:27,612
"Roll out the barrel!"
122
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,595
* roll out the barrel
123
00:05:30,487 --> 00:05:32,621
* we'll have a barrel of fun
124
00:05:32,554 --> 00:05:36,120
* roll out the barrel...
125
00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:38,320
that's good.
Switch seats with me.
126
00:05:40,628 --> 00:05:42,429
Okay, fans,
127
00:05:42,377 --> 00:05:44,344
it's time
to select a contestant
128
00:05:44,285 --> 00:05:46,451
for next week's
million-dollar shot.
129
00:05:46,382 --> 00:05:48,683
Section 11...
130
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,643
Row v...
131
00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,580
Seat 8!
132
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,219
I won.
133
00:05:54,172 --> 00:05:55,506
I won!
134
00:05:55,476 --> 00:05:56,510
Whoa!
135
00:05:57,765 --> 00:06:00,332
Did the mayor mention
my speech to you?
136
00:06:00,245 --> 00:06:01,446
No.
137
00:06:01,422 --> 00:06:03,355
He hasn't said a word about it.
138
00:06:03,298 --> 00:06:05,031
Why are you obsessing
about this?
139
00:06:04,982 --> 00:06:08,582
I'm just wondering,
did he like it or not?
140
00:06:09,624 --> 00:06:11,890
You know something, don't you?
141
00:06:11,818 --> 00:06:13,851
Did he say anything to you?
142
00:06:13,789 --> 00:06:15,655
He hated it, didn't he?
143
00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:17,501
Tell me...
no, don't.
144
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,411
If it's bugging you that much,
145
00:06:19,353 --> 00:06:22,486
why don't you just ask him
what he thought?
146
00:06:22,373 --> 00:06:24,439
I would, but I've barely seen
the guy in a week.
147
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:26,675
He's spending every minute
with Judith.
148
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,433
This morning I ran into him
in my building's laundry room.
149
00:06:29,335 --> 00:06:31,201
He was in Judith's kimono.
150
00:06:31,147 --> 00:06:33,847
I can't believe
she's got him doing laundry.
151
00:06:33,755 --> 00:06:36,987
I mean,
who's wearin' the pants?
152
00:06:36,870 --> 00:06:38,771
From what I saw, not him.
153
00:06:38,714 --> 00:06:40,215
Hey, everybody!
154
00:06:40,177 --> 00:06:42,210
Guess what we did this morning.
155
00:06:42,148 --> 00:06:44,847
Pulled off a jewel heist?
156
00:06:44,755 --> 00:06:46,821
We went shopping
for a new wardrobe.
157
00:06:46,758 --> 00:06:49,058
Ju-ju thinks I finally look
"plugged in."
158
00:06:48,983 --> 00:06:51,717
Oh, I ate
my first organic potato.
159
00:06:51,622 --> 00:06:56,022
I can already feel the toxins
being expunged from my system.
160
00:06:57,154 --> 00:06:59,054
You should try one, Charlie.
161
00:06:58,998 --> 00:07:02,265
Actually, I'm kind of attached
to my toxins.
162
00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:04,778
We've been through a lot
together.
163
00:07:04,689 --> 00:07:08,222
Charlie, I read something this
morning that I liked very much.
164
00:07:08,091 --> 00:07:10,158
Well, that's great to hear.
165
00:07:10,094 --> 00:07:13,326
It was an article ju-ju wrote
for the Chelsea bu called...
166
00:07:13,209 --> 00:07:15,276
"Tofu and you."
167
00:07:16,197 --> 00:07:17,997
Anyway, I've gotta go.
168
00:07:17,945 --> 00:07:19,912
I'm late
for my racquetball game.
169
00:07:19,853 --> 00:07:22,187
Oh, actually, Randall,
I thought we'd go see
170
00:07:22,112 --> 00:07:24,811
that new exhibit of
12th-century Asian tapestries.
171
00:07:24,718 --> 00:07:27,251
Correction... I'm late
for my tapestry thingy.
172
00:07:29,391 --> 00:07:31,425
Did you see
the way he backed down?
173
00:07:31,362 --> 00:07:35,562
She's leading him around
by his...Organic potatoes.
174
00:07:41,756 --> 00:07:44,088
You can stare at me
all you want,
175
00:07:44,013 --> 00:07:45,647
but if I make that shot,
176
00:07:45,602 --> 00:07:47,669
I am not splitting
the million with you.
177
00:07:47,605 --> 00:07:49,406
I know.
178
00:07:49,354 --> 00:07:52,654
I know it was your seat
to begin with,
179
00:07:52,533 --> 00:07:55,500
but we switched,
fair and square.
180
00:07:56,953 --> 00:07:59,152
Yes, I am aware
that you took me in
181
00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:01,449
when I was kicked out
of my apartment.
182
00:08:01,371 --> 00:08:03,237
Yes, I am aware
183
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:05,184
that I probably
wouldn't be alive
184
00:08:05,123 --> 00:08:07,423
if you hadn't bailed me out
of that Mexican jail,
185
00:08:07,349 --> 00:08:11,049
but sorry... no deal.
186
00:08:11,895 --> 00:08:13,995
Fine! If I win,
you get half the money!
187
00:08:13,930 --> 00:08:15,663
End of discussion!
188
00:08:15,614 --> 00:08:17,648
I'm glad we had this talk.
189
00:08:17,586 --> 00:08:20,452
Hey, guys, I'm Barry Melrose
of ESPN hockey.
190
00:08:20,352 --> 00:08:23,152
I'm here to take some pictures
with Stuart bondek.
191
00:08:23,054 --> 00:08:25,021
I'm Stuart bondek.
I'm glad to meet you.
192
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:26,961
Carter Heywood...
I get half the money.
193
00:08:27,950 --> 00:08:29,317
Hey!
194
00:08:29,286 --> 00:08:31,252
Barry Melrose...
a fellow Canadian.
195
00:08:31,193 --> 00:08:32,459
How are you?
196
00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:34,866
Paul lassiter
of the ottawa lassiters.
197
00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:37,351
What do you say
after the photo op
198
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:40,565
we ditch these hosers
and party like it's boxing day.
199
00:08:40,445 --> 00:08:42,511
Sweet.
200
00:08:42,448 --> 00:08:44,481
Charlie, I read your speech.
201
00:08:44,418 --> 00:08:46,985
Oh, great!
So, what'd you think?
202
00:08:46,898 --> 00:08:50,232
Well, we thought parts of it
were very interesting.
203
00:08:51,159 --> 00:08:52,725
We did?
204
00:08:52,685 --> 00:08:53,985
Excuse me, sir.
205
00:08:53,956 --> 00:08:56,489
Judith is gonna observe
the meeting?
206
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:59,805
No, that would be awkward.
She's going to participate.
207
00:09:02,795 --> 00:09:05,829
Well, isn't this nice?
208
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:08,587
Here's your speech.
It just needs a few tweaks.
209
00:09:08,486 --> 00:09:10,352
Sir, you crossed out
210
00:09:10,298 --> 00:09:12,564
nearly every salient point
in here...
211
00:09:12,491 --> 00:09:14,625
the crime rates,
public education,
212
00:09:14,558 --> 00:09:16,324
welfare reform.
213
00:09:16,275 --> 00:09:19,076
They were a real downer.
214
00:09:18,978 --> 00:09:21,144
Sir, I worked very hard
on this speech.
215
00:09:21,075 --> 00:09:24,742
And it was
a very good first draft.
216
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,804
Thank you.
217
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:28,047
When I was up
at 4:00 A.M. writin' it,
218
00:09:27,975 --> 00:09:31,175
I was hopin' for a thumbs up
from the mayor's girlfriend.
219
00:09:34,302 --> 00:09:36,634
Sir, can I see you outside
for a moment?
220
00:09:43,776 --> 00:09:46,075
I'm sorry, sir. Judith
does not have the authority
221
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:47,767
to change my speech.
222
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,652
Charlie,
she's an experienced author.
223
00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:51,760
In fact,
in one of her past lives,
224
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,559
she was a Greek playwright.
225
00:09:53,504 --> 00:09:56,005
Why don't you just have ju-ju
write the whole thing?
226
00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:59,255
That's a great idea, Charlie.
I'll go tell her the good news.
227
00:10:03,424 --> 00:10:04,956
Ooh, Charlie,
228
00:10:04,918 --> 00:10:07,051
I hope this isn't a bad time,
229
00:10:06,984 --> 00:10:09,783
but can I have
Wayne gretzky's birthday off?
230
00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:16,363
How 'bout Celine Dion's?
231
00:10:19,184 --> 00:10:21,651
Judith will bring down
our administration
232
00:10:21,567 --> 00:10:23,801
just like yoko
brought down the Beatles.
233
00:10:23,730 --> 00:10:25,697
Look, this woman
is not a problem.
234
00:10:25,637 --> 00:10:27,470
That's what Ringo said.
235
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:30,152
Next thing you know,
he was starring in "caveman."
236
00:10:30,057 --> 00:10:31,957
What the hell is this?!
237
00:10:31,901 --> 00:10:33,734
Judith told the mayor
238
00:10:33,681 --> 00:10:36,214
about the evils
of processed sugar,
239
00:10:36,129 --> 00:10:38,363
so he replaced the vending
machine with a juicer.
240
00:10:38,291 --> 00:10:41,358
First my speech,
now my sugar...
241
00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:43,215
she's taking over.
242
00:10:43,155 --> 00:10:45,921
She makes the mayor happy,
and besides, isn't it possible
243
00:10:45,826 --> 00:10:47,759
she could make
the speech better?
244
00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:50,535
Anything's possible.
I'm about to drink a carrot.
245
00:10:50,435 --> 00:10:53,301
No, Stuart!
You've got to want it!
246
00:10:53,201 --> 00:10:54,768
Concentrate!
247
00:10:54,727 --> 00:10:57,394
I can't with you yappin' at me.
248
00:10:57,303 --> 00:11:00,003
How are you gonna feel in front
of 20,000 screaming fans?!
249
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,677
You wanna cry, tough guy?
250
00:11:01,626 --> 00:11:04,626
Come on, tough guy,
mama's boy... squirt a few.
251
00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:05,519
Cry!
252
00:11:05,505 --> 00:11:07,605
Get off my back.
253
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:09,174
Hey, hey, hey.
254
00:11:09,131 --> 00:11:11,097
Will you hosers keep it down?
255
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:13,937
I'm nursin'
a major hangover, eh.
256
00:11:13,836 --> 00:11:15,936
Paul, give it a rest.
You're not Canadian.
257
00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:18,703
We're sick of hearing
about back bacon, fur trapping,
258
00:11:18,604 --> 00:11:21,103
and the comic genius
of Howie mandel.
259
00:11:21,020 --> 00:11:22,853
You guys are jealous.
260
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,633
That's what this is all aboot.
261
00:11:27,538 --> 00:11:29,738
A million dollars at stake.
262
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,400
You could travel.
263
00:11:31,353 --> 00:11:33,253
You'll be financially secure.
264
00:11:33,196 --> 00:11:35,263
Babes love rich guys.
265
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:37,066
Hey, it worked.
266
00:11:37,011 --> 00:11:38,245
Angie...
267
00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:40,654
You're not rich yet.
268
00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:42,540
Sir, can I talk
to you for a minute?
269
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:43,646
Absolutely.
270
00:11:43,624 --> 00:11:44,925
In private.
271
00:11:44,896 --> 00:11:46,330
Right.
272
00:11:54,021 --> 00:11:56,021
Oh, Judith,
I meant to tell you,
273
00:11:55,961 --> 00:11:58,126
somebody jammed a porkchop
in the juicer.
274
00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:59,860
Oh, no.
275
00:11:59,807 --> 00:12:02,041
It was probably
that big Canadian guy.
276
00:12:01,969 --> 00:12:04,769
Way to keep an eye out,
Charlie.
277
00:12:04,671 --> 00:12:07,138
Sir, Judith's been around
the office an awful lot,
278
00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:09,023
and it's makin' me
uncomfortable.
279
00:12:08,964 --> 00:12:10,864
What are you saying?
You don't like her?
280
00:12:10,808 --> 00:12:12,841
No, no.
Judith's great.
281
00:12:12,779 --> 00:12:15,645
She's by far
my favorite extraneous person
282
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:17,912
I'd rather not have around.
283
00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:20,534
Sir, Judith is not qualified
to advise you on policy,
284
00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,741
and she has no business
writing that speech.
285
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,799
You're questioning
my professionalism.
286
00:12:24,732 --> 00:12:26,699
You're undermining
my authority.
287
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,041
Not to mention,
you're bad talkin' my lady.
288
00:12:30,359 --> 00:12:32,027
If you'll excuse me,
289
00:12:31,982 --> 00:12:33,949
Judith gets upset
when I keep her waiting.
290
00:12:33,889 --> 00:12:35,989
Oh, my God.
You are so...
291
00:12:35,925 --> 00:12:37,891
I'm so what?
What am I?
292
00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:39,331
Nothing.
293
00:12:39,293 --> 00:12:41,293
No, come on, tough guy.
Spit it out, huh?
294
00:12:41,233 --> 00:12:42,932
I'm so...
295
00:12:42,886 --> 00:12:44,019
Whipped.
296
00:12:48,324 --> 00:12:50,923
You are whipped!
297
00:12:50,835 --> 00:12:53,901
Judith and I
may be a modern couple,
298
00:12:53,792 --> 00:12:57,291
but trust me,
I'm still wearing the pants.
299
00:13:08,194 --> 00:13:09,626
Ladies and gentlemen,
300
00:13:09,592 --> 00:13:13,293
please direct your attention
to center ice,
301
00:13:13,154 --> 00:13:15,154
where Stuart bondek
will be taking
302
00:13:15,093 --> 00:13:16,893
ESPN's million-dollar shot.
303
00:13:24,185 --> 00:13:26,285
What are you doin' here?
304
00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:28,853
I'm his coach.
He needs me.
305
00:13:28,763 --> 00:13:31,397
Don't aim.
You always miss when you aim.
306
00:13:31,307 --> 00:13:32,673
I know.
307
00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:34,075
Remember...
308
00:13:34,041 --> 00:13:35,674
Power through.
309
00:13:35,630 --> 00:13:37,797
You're makin' it harder.
310
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:40,496
A million dollars.
311
00:13:40,399 --> 00:13:42,299
Don't overthink it.
Relax.
312
00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:43,510
Don't touch me!
313
00:13:43,484 --> 00:13:45,050
Don't shove me.
314
00:13:58,585 --> 00:14:01,852
Let them go! Let them go!
Let them go!
315
00:14:12,097 --> 00:14:13,197
Aah!
316
00:14:13,178 --> 00:14:14,312
Aaah!
317
00:14:18,328 --> 00:14:19,828
Ladies and gentlemen,
318
00:14:19,790 --> 00:14:21,690
it is an honor to present
319
00:14:21,635 --> 00:14:24,835
the mayor of New York,
Randall Winston.
320
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:29,433
Mesdames et messieurs,
321
00:14:29,356 --> 00:14:32,123
c'est un honneur pour pr�senter
322
00:14:32,027 --> 00:14:37,160
le maire du New York,
Randall Winston.
323
00:14:42,009 --> 00:14:43,276
You need help.
324
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:48,661
My administration has overseen
a time of tremendous prosperity
325
00:14:48,527 --> 00:14:50,793
for the citizens
of this great city.
326
00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:55,194
But prosperity
can't simply be measured
327
00:14:55,077 --> 00:14:58,276
in terms of economic growth
and financial security.
328
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,394
There's peace, love,
and harmonic bliss.
329
00:15:05,186 --> 00:15:06,953
Let's try an exercise.
330
00:15:06,903 --> 00:15:09,070
Take the hand of the person
on the side of you.
331
00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,571
Come on, don't be shy.
332
00:15:20,293 --> 00:15:22,827
Well, I think
this is as good a time as any
333
00:15:22,743 --> 00:15:24,609
to do our big cash giveaway.
334
00:15:24,555 --> 00:15:27,521
Taped beneath the seat
of one of you lucky people
335
00:15:27,416 --> 00:15:29,549
is a crisp $100 bill.
336
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,422
Charlie, help me!
337
00:15:33,329 --> 00:15:36,029
I gotta get
the original speech.
338
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,435
Paul, go out to the limo
and get my briefcase.
339
00:15:38,352 --> 00:15:40,852
I'm not goin' out there.
It's only 5 degrees celsius.
340
00:15:40,769 --> 00:15:43,568
Paul, you are aboot
to get your ass kicked.
341
00:15:43,471 --> 00:15:46,070
Can I type directly onto
the teleprompter?
342
00:15:45,982 --> 00:15:49,182
Sure.
343
00:15:49,066 --> 00:15:50,734
Mo...
344
00:15:50,687 --> 00:15:52,655
Movi...
345
00:15:52,595 --> 00:15:55,262
Movi...lng.
346
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,603
Moving!
Moving on...
347
00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:01,257
You're typing too slow.
Let me type.
348
00:16:01,116 --> 00:16:02,249
Okay.
349
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,029
I have to apologize.
350
00:16:03,977 --> 00:16:05,710
We've had some...
351
00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:07,162
Technical difficulties.
352
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:12,058
Man, I really have to take
a whiz.
353
00:16:15,168 --> 00:16:17,168
You typed that?
354
00:16:17,108 --> 00:16:19,108
That was for you, not him.
355
00:16:19,047 --> 00:16:20,780
Why would I wanna know that?
356
00:16:20,732 --> 00:16:24,099
Here's the disk.
357
00:16:23,975 --> 00:16:25,408
Other city things...
358
00:16:25,374 --> 00:16:27,841
crime, crime rate.
359
00:16:27,759 --> 00:16:29,859
Granted, the crime rate is up,
360
00:16:29,792 --> 00:16:32,959
"but what goes up
must come down.
361
00:16:34,593 --> 00:16:37,693
"Spinning wheel
gotta spin round.
362
00:16:39,808 --> 00:16:43,507
"Talk about your troubles.
It's a cryin' sin.
363
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:46,302
Ride a painted pony..."
364
00:16:46,197 --> 00:16:47,564
Oh, thank God.
365
00:16:47,534 --> 00:16:49,033
Ladies and gentlemen,
366
00:16:48,995 --> 00:16:50,995
we live in an age
of opportunity.
367
00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:55,626
Well, you blew our chance
at a million bucks.
368
00:16:55,544 --> 00:16:57,978
Hope you're happy.
369
00:16:57,897 --> 00:17:01,398
Look, I told you in arena jail
370
00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:04,834
that I'm sorry.
371
00:17:04,702 --> 00:17:06,802
I got carried away.
372
00:17:06,736 --> 00:17:08,936
Do you know
what I could have done
373
00:17:08,867 --> 00:17:10,867
with a half a million dollars?
374
00:17:10,805 --> 00:17:14,239
I could have finally produced
my independent film.
375
00:17:14,112 --> 00:17:17,778
Ah, yes...
"missionary: Impossible."
376
00:17:19,231 --> 00:17:21,331
Look, when you stop
to think about it,
377
00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:23,099
we're both responsible.
378
00:17:23,046 --> 00:17:24,846
It's both our faults.
379
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,694
Yeah, you're right.
380
00:17:26,639 --> 00:17:30,405
I mean, you're an overbearing,
annoying control freak,
381
00:17:30,262 --> 00:17:33,895
and I hang out with you.
382
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,693
How cool was it
383
00:17:35,635 --> 00:17:38,570
to have 18,000 people
singin' that song to us, huh?
384
00:17:38,465 --> 00:17:40,266
* na na na na
385
00:17:40,214 --> 00:17:42,214
* na na na na
386
00:17:42,154 --> 00:17:45,987
* hey hey-ey, goodbye
387
00:17:45,841 --> 00:17:47,708
* na na na na
388
00:17:47,653 --> 00:17:49,419
* na na na na...
389
00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:51,870
we're done with that.
390
00:17:53,725 --> 00:17:56,226
Well, I, for one,
learned a little lesson
391
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,942
about greed tonight.
392
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:00,523
To think, I almost let money
destroy our friendship.
393
00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:03,867
Hmm.
394
00:18:03,741 --> 00:18:05,974
Damn you.
395
00:18:05,902 --> 00:18:08,302
I could have bought
a Louis vuitton travel trunk!
396
00:18:12,006 --> 00:18:15,006
Okay. Thank you.
397
00:18:15,981 --> 00:18:17,114
Well...
398
00:18:17,094 --> 00:18:18,860
The times loved the speech.
399
00:18:18,810 --> 00:18:21,111
They're runnin'
a full transcript.
400
00:18:21,036 --> 00:18:22,969
Oh, and if anyone asks,
401
00:18:22,912 --> 00:18:25,745
your new anticrime program
is code name "painted pony."
402
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,979
I, uh, I wanna apologize.
403
00:18:27,903 --> 00:18:30,736
Deep down, I knew
that speech wasn't right.
404
00:18:30,637 --> 00:18:33,570
I guess I was afraid
that if I told Judith
405
00:18:33,466 --> 00:18:35,966
she wouldn't wanna see me
anymore.
406
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,183
She's crazy about you.
407
00:18:38,108 --> 00:18:40,241
You're smart, funny.
408
00:18:40,175 --> 00:18:43,674
From what Caitlin says,
you look great in a kimono.
409
00:18:43,545 --> 00:18:47,012
It's all in the genes, Charlie.
410
00:18:46,883 --> 00:18:50,783
My grandfather,
God rest his soul...
411
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:55,634
84 years old...
had an ass like a marble statue.
412
00:18:58,582 --> 00:19:00,316
You know what his nickname was?
413
00:19:00,268 --> 00:19:03,202
"Old marble ass"?
414
00:19:03,097 --> 00:19:05,964
Oh, I've told you this story.
415
00:19:05,863 --> 00:19:07,996
You deserve to be with a woman
416
00:19:07,930 --> 00:19:10,162
who accepts you
for who you are.
417
00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:12,926
Remember, relationships
are give-and-take.
418
00:19:12,826 --> 00:19:15,892
They aren't just about the needs
of one person.
419
00:19:15,782 --> 00:19:17,782
Well, that's
very perceptive, Charlie.
420
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:19,655
I had no idea you were so deep.
421
00:19:19,597 --> 00:19:22,498
I'm not. I just remember
what women screamed at me
422
00:19:22,396 --> 00:19:24,296
during the breakups.
423
00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:27,904
Oh, Randall, thank goodness.
424
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:32,033
That neoclassical German
art exhibit starts at 9:30,
425
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,903
and we are gonna be late.
426
00:19:33,842 --> 00:19:37,074
Judith, there's only one thing
I hate more than German art.
427
00:19:36,957 --> 00:19:38,957
It's neoclassical German art.
428
00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:42,941
I'm absolutely,
positively not going.
429
00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:45,404
Whatever you want.
I want you to be happy.
430
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,919
It's just, he's one
of my favorite artists.
431
00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:51,164
Okay, we'll go...
But not at 9:30.
432
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,040
We're going at 10:00.
433
00:19:55,524 --> 00:19:57,223
Who's the man?
434
00:20:02,263 --> 00:20:04,529
Wouldn't it be great if they
grew old together?
435
00:20:04,457 --> 00:20:06,490
If there's anything
to genetics,
436
00:20:06,428 --> 00:20:09,862
she'll have a marble ass
to look forward to.
437
00:20:09,735 --> 00:20:12,002
The mayor and I
are gettin' way too close.
438
00:20:11,929 --> 00:20:15,629
Well, the good news is we're
free to do whatever we want.
439
00:20:15,489 --> 00:20:17,289
Got any plans tonight?
440
00:20:17,238 --> 00:20:18,405
Nothing. You?
441
00:20:18,382 --> 00:20:20,182
Nothin'.
442
00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:24,370
You wanna go
to the mayor's office
443
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,298
and watch "mystic pizza"?
444
00:20:26,236 --> 00:20:28,468
That's a chick movie.
You know that.
445
00:20:28,397 --> 00:20:30,864
That's why I got the beers.
446
00:21:30,239 --> 00:21:32,872
Sit, ubu. Good dog.
447
00:21:32,922 --> 00:21:37,472
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